Marriage In Crisis: How Did Things Get So Bad?
Resistance to change
Most people today do not believe an individual can change his or her basic attitudes and opinions. ‘I am what I am, and that’s that’ is a common response. They cannot imagine any possibility of modifying their behavior.
‘I can’t help it – that’s the way I am’, they say; or ‘I’m the sort of person who…’ What they do not realize is that statements like these are primarily excuses for continuing bad habits. Such an attitude is therefore very convenient. If that’s the way you’re made, and if change is impossible, what point is there in trying to reform? Why not save yourself the trouble of trying? And it is true that even people who have plenty of courage and energy to devote to changing the world around them are often noticeably reluctant to try to change themselves.
The majority of patients who bring their personal problems to a psychotherapist show the same prejudice. This reluctance to change does not make their treatment any easier, of course, because the primary source of all their problems lies within themselves. We are all our own worst enemies.
While educational facilities and teaching methods vary from country to country, mediocre standards are practically universal. Almost all governments seem to agree on their priorities: education occupies a very low position in their budgets compared with, for example, defence.
More importantly, education everywhere pays too much attention to filling minds with information whilst at the same time placing little emphasis on those values and skills that would help people to cope with life’s difficulties and become more socially responsible members of society.
As well as taking care of their baby’s physical well-being, every parent should focus on their child’s spiritual development. The child must be taught to feel and give pleasure, to share in the joys and sorrows of others, and to treat other people with sensitivity, courtesy and respect. Consequently, at school as in the home, the acquisition of knowledge should take second place to the child’s spiritual development and the teaching of spiritual principles.
The way we are educated – at home and at school – clearly has an important effect on our future relationships, because it influences our attitudes and values and the way we relate to our fellow human beings. It seems to me that the question to ask is not so much ‘Why do couples split up?’ as ‘What are we doing to prepare our children to live together in love and harmony?’ The way of peace is best taken early in life.